How to Live on a Sailboat With Your Partner: 24 Liveaboard Lessons From a Sailing Couple

As a follow-up to our popular article Lessons From a Van Life Couple, this is everything we’ve learned about living on a boat with your significant other over three years of sailing the Mediterranean.

To preface, we are not life coaches, nor do we purport to have an exemplary relationship. But our relationship is one that has been forged under the pressure of nomadic life and recently shoved into a tiny floating bowl of fiberglass and pushed out to sea.

Our relationship began in a hostel in Estonia 8 years ago. Since then, we’ve been on the go. Four continents, three vans, two weddings, and one sailboat later, we are still together, but it hasn’t always been easy.

All our relationship has ever known is confined spaces, but a boat brings a new set of challenges, limitations, and, of course, opportunities as well.

Maybe it was just us, but the dream of setting sail into the sunset with the love of your life, to swim in the crystal clear water of the Mediterranean was certainly a romantic one.

But that was just that… just a dream. The reality is usually far from that rosy picture.

Don’t get me wrong; those perfect moments do exist, but they generally exist as bookends to long periods of dull drudgery or sharp bursts of intense stress and, occasionally, terror.

So we’ve come up with 24 tips, tricks, and lessons to help maintain smooth seas with your shipmate without mutiny or having anyone walk the plank.

This is…

Everything You Need To Know About Living On a Boat With Your Partner

Take Turns Scrubbing the Poop Deck

I don’t actually know what that means, but it doesn’t sound fun. As such, it wouldn’t be fair if just one crewmate got saddled with that job every time.

We found that we pretty quickly settled into a routine when it came to handling tasks on the boat, both regular domestic duties and our new boating responsibilities. For the most part, we naturally found a split that works for us: Kelli chops the food, I cook it. I wash the clothes; Kelli folds them; Kelli is in charge of the paperwork and admin for the boat, and I generally carry out maintenance.

However you split up jobs, make sure everyone is clear on their roles and responsibilities, and everyone is happy with the delegation.

Additionally, when it comes to boat jobs, especially those concerned with sailing, don’t forget that everyone on board should ideally know how to do everything, so switch up the responsibilities from time to time.

In an ideal scenario, when we are both working in sync, we both tend to be looking for ways to lighten each other’s load, and both of us feel like we are getting the better deal. But every now and then, things can get out of balance, and one crewmate might start to feel like they are pulling more than their fair share; that’s when it’s time to stop and realign before someone mutinys.

Go With the Ebb and Flow

Following on from that idea, we’ve noticed that things are rarely perfectly in balance and that we need to get used to a bit of ebb and flow.

One day, when your partner needs a little extra help and support, roll up your sleeves because likely later that week, you’ll be cashing in those brownie points. Of course, this is probably true of all relationships, but it’s been particularly noticeable for us on the boat.

Ebb and flow extends past day to day task, but generally to the amount of energy, patience, positive vibes or whatever other good energy your partner needs from you on any given day.

Too Many Captains

When it comes to the actual sailing of the boat, having one person take the wheel and the other following directions is almost always the best way. Working together to haul anchor, take out the sails, tacking, and docking the boat can be stressful, especially in strong wind. We struggle with this one from time to time, but in our experience, heated debate about the best way to complete a maneuver during said maneuver rarely ends well.

Huddle up before any complex operations, making sure everyone on board is on board with the plan and knows their role. This is especially important for more complex manuvres, such as med-mooring in strong crosswinds. During an exercise, whoever is ‘the captain’ should be responsible for making decisions and relaying what needs to happen to ‘crew’. Sometimes, a debrief is necessary at the end of a particularly challenging maneuver to talk about what could have been done differently but try not to hold this powwow directly after a tense or botched maneuver when emotions might still be running high.

Of course, the captain doesn’t always have to be the same person! When sailing as a couple you should swap roles frequently, so everyone is confident handling different situations.

Keep an Even Keel and Hoist the White Flag Before You Walk the Plank

Arguments are inevitable (for us at least), and often seem amplified in the confined space of a boat. When you are ‘trapped’ together, and there is nowhere to escape to, dealing with arguments properly is particularly important.

Put your effort and focus into resolving conflicts quickly and healthily. Try to establish rules for dealing with disagreements and conflict, address issues as they arise, and never go to bed angry. Practice active listening and empathy, and take a break if tempers flare.

Prepare to Weather Storms Together

Go in with your eyes open and understand that this lifestyle will come with some challenges embrace these obstacles as things to overcome together.

Living on a boat tests your patience and teamwork as a couple. Weather changes, mechanical failures, and navigation mistakes are normal parts of the lifestyle, but they can lead to some fairly intense situations. When stress levels start to rise, communication becomes important. Focus on supporting each other and avoid placing blame.

Seek Shore Leave Often and Early

We both have a hard time admitting when we are overwhelmed. I’m not sure why, but both of us can feel like we failed if we feel like we need a break from sail life (or van life or travel for that matter). After all, we are living the dream right? Doing what we always wanted? But the truth is that sail life can be tough, and if it becomes overwhelming, taking a break isn’t a sign of failure. In fact we reckon it’s an essential step to recharge and gain perspective if you plan to continue sailing long term.

Whether you spend time on land or take a vacation from the boat, these breaks help you return refreshed and with renewed enthusiasm. Proactively recognize when you (or your partner) need a break and take pride in your emotionally intelligent decision.

Reef the Sails in a Storm

Much like the point above, sometimes you just need to make the journey a little easier on yourself.

Sailing can be physically and mentally demanding. It’s okay to opt for easier options occasionally, like staying in a marina or dining out. These breaks provide much-needed rest and prevent burnout. Don’t feel guilty for taking the easier route sometimes. Prioritize your well-being and enjoy the comforts when you can. In no time at all, you’ll be yearning to get back off the grid and plunge back into the adventure.

There’s No Secrets Below Deck

Living in close quarters means there’s no hiding your weird habits or bodily functions from each other. You’ll get to experience each other at your best and, perhaps more frequently, at your worst.

Thin doors, confined spaces, and nowhere to escape will bring you up close and personal with your shipmate every day. While the lack of privacy might present a challenge (namely to continue to see this person as a viable mate) it’s also an opportunity to get to know someone better than you ever thought possible.

Keeping Love Afloat

The idyllic vision of life on a boat rarely includes the hard work behind the scenes. Amidst the routine of maintenance and navigation, it’s easy to let romance take a back seat.

Make an effort to create special moments just for you and your partner. Plan date nights on the deck, cook your favorite meals or enjoy a quiet evening stargazing. These moments of connection are vital to reminding each other that you’re a couple first and crewmates second.

Keep Your Bearings, Alone and Together

Spending all your time together on a boat can lead to co-dependency, where you rely too heavily on each other for everything. We notice this most obviously when we head back to shore and spend time with people who aren’t couped up with their partners around the clock.

While it’s important to support each other, it’s also important to maintain some independence. Take a bit of time for yourself and pursue some individual goals, even if it’s just reading a book or taking a solo swim. This balance helps keep the relationship dynamic, prevents feelings of suffocation, and, hopefully, prevents you from becoming total weirdos.

Avoid Mutiny With a Well-Stocked Galley

An oldie but a goodie and a truism we’ve proved over and over again. If you ever reach that point when you’re thinking about how long it would take the coastguard to find your partners shark-mauled corpse and how far up the coast you could make it that time, pause and check that you’re not just hungry.

Take a breath, have a snack, and reconsider whether it’s worth living the rest of your life on the run over a disagreement over the best anchorage.

Charting Adventure Together

Sailing offers a unique opportunity to share some pretty incredible experiences. From surviving a storm on anchor to discovering a secluded anchorage on an uninhabited island, these are special experiences that not everyone gets.

Remember to stop and appreciate the enormity of the experience you are sharing with one another. Celebrate the wins, commiserate with the challenges, and learn from them. These shared moments create unforgettable shared memories. Use these experiences to strengthen your relationship by reflecting on them together and appreciating the journey.

Sailing in Sync

Having some shared hobbies and interests to pursue together allows you to share some quality time that isn’t just about staying afloat or navigating from one harbor to the next. Whether it’s fishing, snorkeling, exploring new places, or finding new restaurants (our hobby of choice), getting stuck into some activities that aren’t all sailing keeps the sailing from going stale. Encourage each other’s passions and find new hobbies to share.

Solo Voyages

While shared activities are important, so is maintaining individual interests. Having personal hobbies gives you time to recharge and keeps the relationship balanced. Whether it’s writing, painting, some sort of sport or exercising regime, personal time allows for self-expression and growth. Respect each other’s need for space and support each other’s pursuits.

No Man is an Island…But a Bit of Space Doesn’t Hurt

In the same vein as the idea above, giving each other room to be alone can be challenging on a boat, but it is important. Even in a small space, it’s important to find ways to give each other mental and physical space. Designate areas for personal time, like a reading nook or a hammock. Respect each other’s need for solitude and recharging. Personal space allows for individual growth and maintains a healthy relationship dynamic.

Keep an Eye on the Loot

Sailing can be a cost-effective way to live, but it requires meticulous financial planning. Budget for unexpected repairs, docking fees, and daily expenses. Look for remote work opportunities or passive income streams to support your lifestyle.

Make sure you’re living below your means, regularly review your finances, and adjust as needed to stay on track. Make sure you’re communicating about finances and your goals are aligned. Financial stability allows you to enjoy the sailing life and navigate the various challenges without the added stress of worrying about money.

Beware the Doldrums

Constantly being on the move can lead to fatigue which can leave you flat and without the energy or power to keep going. It can take the shine off the liveaboard experience and ultimately can add to friction to your relationship.

It’s important to allow yourself time to rest and enjoy each location. Slow down your pace and savor the journey instead of rushing from one place to another. Schedule regular downtime to relax and appreciate your surroundings. Balancing adventure with rest keeps you energized and prevents burnout.

Keeping the Lines of Communication Open

While maintaining your relationship with your partner is the first priority, it is also important to maintain healthy relationships with friends and family back home. Radio silence back home can result in feeling isolated and add extra pressure and stress to your relationship with your partner.

Living on a boat means you’ll miss out on many normal opportunities to maintain relationships at home. You’ll miss regular face-to-face time with friends and family, as well as milestones like birthdays, weddings, and holidays. This can be challenging, but it’s part of the trade-off for the freedom to explore.

Take responsibility for maintaining your relationships as best as possible. Understand that as you choose to sail away, you should make the effort to maintain relationships. Stay connected through regular calls and visits to the home when possible.

Being Each Other’s Life-Line

Living aboard with your partner means that you’ll rely on each other for everything, from charting tricky waters to providing emotional support during tough times. Without immediate access to friends and family, be ready to step up and support each other in all aspects of life. Focus on developing communication skills and practicing empathy.

Navigating the Shipyard Together

Part of sailing is boat projects, the never-ending list of maintenance and upgrades that must be done to keep sailing; expect it to test your patience and teamwork. Clear roles and good communication are essential. Divide tasks based on strengths and interests, and support each other. Celebrate milestones and learn from setbacks. Above all, don’t take it too seriously and learn to enjoy the process.

Here’s a tip from our life that works really well, take it or leave it: One of us (Kelli) plans and organizes projects, and the other carries out the necessary maintenance; the less time we spend actually working together on the boat, the better.

X Marks the (Same) Spot

Having common goals, such as destinations you want to explore or sailing objectives you want to achieve, keeps you motivated and united as you strive for something together. Set short-term and long-term goals together and celebrate your progress. These shared aspirations give you a sense of purpose and direction.

Goals come naturally for us and generally consist of a list of places we want to visit and ways we want to see them. Our current goals include upgrading our sailing qualifications and spending a whole year on the boat next year, including wintering on the boat.

Praise Poisidon

Taking the time to feel and express gratitude for each other and the lifestyle has definitely helped us foster a positive mindset. Celebrate your achievements and the beauty around you. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate each other’s efforts and contributions. Practicing gratitude strengthens your relationship and keeps you focused on the positives, which can be particularly helpful during tougher periods.

Keep a Sailor’s Log

Captains Log. Day 73: I sense a mutiny if the first mate doesn’t start putting his dishes away after using them…

Keeping a journal helps you process your thoughts and emotions. It’s a personal space to reflect and grow.

Documenting your journey also allows you to look back on your experiences and see how far you’ve come.

A Ship in a Bottle

Don’t forget to document your journey with photos and videos. When you’re living it, it can be hard to always be appreciative of the lifestyle, especially when things aren’t falling your way. Capturing your journey helps preserve the moments and relive them in the future, something I find myself doing every so often on our YouTube channel or Instagram.

Living on a boat as a couple requires communication, a sense of adventure and lots of patience. But the payoff for us has been huge; we get such a kick out of looking back at all we have accomplished, seen, and done with each other.

Let us know below if we’ve missed any tips, tricks or lessons for smooth sailing with your partner!